I think most people can relate to depression at some point of their lives. I have and I do. It's a very real condition. Sorry to hear you are inflicted with it in such a severe way tacochris. This pandemic has affected many people in negative ways that were never expected to develop such depression, anxiety, and loss of control over their lives.
A bicycle or object is important ( I buy a ton on stuff because I'm a collector/ but part of it is to fend off depression) but not as important as life and health, friendship and Family. Make a list. What makes you happy and what is important in your life. It should be people and experiences not bicycles or guitars, cars or toys, which is what I buy when I get down. But I know it's just "stuff" and not all that important in the BIG picture. My Kids, my health, my relationships with friends, my G.F., dog Woody, and Family are WAY more important.
Focus on people more than things and you'll be fine.
I didnt mean for the thread to become a focus on my medical issues but since we're in that space I will lay it out a little better since I know most of the world is fairly unaware of the condition.
My sister and myself (and my mom before her suicide) all suffer from a condition called Severe Dysthymia coupled with severe anxiety (which actually is a result of the other). Its something Ive had since I was a kid in my adopted family and my mom tried all she could to help and would call them my "black cloud days". Being raised in an old school southern Baptist family, my family, siblings and peers assumed that I was depressed because I wasnt close enough to God or that I wasnt focusing on blessings and that it was all a matter of my mind and it was my fault that I was the way i was. My adopted parents had a very "suck it up" mentality so that coupled with the church thing basically made me feel like a freak my entire childhood. I would think constantly "whats wrong with me, why cant I be happy like other kids who are just blissfully elated for everything. God must be upset with me because I cant be that way....this is all my fault and its something Im not doing" Spending days on end, even in grade school wondering what the hell is wrong with you is no way to spend a childhood.
Flash forward to age 27 and I finally got to meet my birth sister after all those years of being apart and not even knowing her name. Long story short the more time we spent together, the more it became apparent we were exactly alike, down to the severe depression and suicidal thoughts and dark days. After she realized this she let me know that I wasnt a freak and that mom and her side of the family had what is called Severe Dysthemia which is basically mild to severe clinical depression that is due to your body and your chemical makeup and its entirely hereditary in nature. Needless to say, after 27 years of feeling like a freak and being told it was my fault I was feeling like I was, I finally realized I wasnt the problem at all and it wasnt my fault. It has bred acceptance in my heart and soul and now I spend my days combatting it now that I can see the issue.
I say all that to say, my issues are often confused with what I call situational depression (breakups, loss of job, covid 19) which is all fixed when said issue goes away. Sadly this is forever and my mom has already lost the battle and I am dead set on never giving up and keeping my sister above ground.
I hope this helps bring awareness to this issue and I really want to stress that I keep it well hidden and will appear normal to just about anyone and dont want to make people think Im a freak.
The bike thing is a coping mechanism for me and something Ive used and loved since my pre-teen years and its 10 times better than psychoactive drugs. One of the best drugs for this issue is keeping my hands busy and bikes/vws are that for me.
Thanks for reading and sorry it was so long.