Wore out three sets of tires already!
- Mar 14, 2016
Eight Yahoos, From Illinois, Built A Green Dragon Racing Whizzer
Because They Are All Eagles From The Same Tree.
By Ray Spangler and Al Blum
We reside in “Crook” County, about 30 miles West of Chicago so most of the stray bullets are not a problem, if you keep moving around. In the northern part of the state we are not bothered by cow pies on the road system so we build our Whizzers to go straight and fast. The latest one is not a green CHINESE dragon because we are mad at those guys. Our sleek, muscular beauty is painted British Racing Green. I know what you’re thinking, but we are way West of the Limeys who are always chucking spears into their European Dragons. Our iron brute is “fleet of foot” and spear resistant. It doesn’t breathe fire unless it gets a gas leak.
After declaring that the production of seldom-ridden Whizzers is an essential American industry, eight of us put on our masks and gloves and quietly went to work. The six feet apart rule was violated several times by me so I had to spend 14 days in our dog cage, but the dog, Hazel and I have recovered.
The girder fork was Ebayed from the FORTUNE cookie country but, FORTUNANTELY it arrived before the poor devils got sick. The pin striping and lettering, by Rick Bendi, is drop-dead stunning. The new feature Al added to this racer is the modified bell-shaped intake tube on the carburetor. This macho addition to the polished engine reeks of mechanical testosterone but we didn’t get any of it on us because of the latex gloves. The frame is a Schwinn curved bar with Joe Cargola’s welded in motor mounts, axle adjusters, brake arm mount and frame dimpling. The dimpled wheels came from Ben Reibel, and were laced by George Monty. The paint is powder-coated and the I’LL-NEVER-DO-ANOTHER-ONE-AGAIN gas tank was made by Al. The seat was purchased off the internet and the up-side-down handlebars are from a ladies Schwinn. My living room is getting crowded with bikes but I am drunk on the joy of stand-off contact with my very talented and helpful friends. Our cheerleading wives never know what is going to roll out of the magic fog. The Maroon Bomber is on deck for next month. I already have a serious case of testosterone saturation with the level reaching just below my nipples.
The (new old stock) alien, spaceship detecting, reflector mounted on top of the bobbed rear fender, is unique. It reflects any spaceship beams that are shot down from above. This oval safety device certifies the bike for racing in area #51, Roswell, New Mexico. It provides me with adequate warning so I can avoid all unwelcomed probing.
Keep the nonsense flowing and don’t forget to hug the masked womEn of your choice,