# Smooth Talker



## josehuerta (Nov 22, 2013)

http://www.ebay.com/itm/ANTIQUE-CAR...542?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item2a345b2b5e

Read his terms of sale, has a way with words -


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## Flat Tire (Nov 22, 2013)

yea thats a good way to drum up sales......Not!


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## bricycle (Nov 22, 2013)

...maybe I could use him instead of #80 grit sandpaper.......


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## Obi-Wan Schwinnobi (Nov 22, 2013)

josehuerta said:


> http://www.ebay.com/itm/ANTIQUE-CAR...542?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item2a345b2b5e
> 
> Read his terms of sale, has a way with words -




Wow?....what a cheese dick


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## decotriumph (Nov 22, 2013)

It's good to see that Dale Carnegie course is paying off.


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## vincev (Nov 22, 2013)

My kind of person!


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## catfish (Nov 22, 2013)

Nice. I've seen a few other classic ebay rants. But this one is up there.


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## bike (Nov 22, 2013)

*Really*

it gets old being an ebay seller. 

You cannot leave negative feed back for any reason- if the guy stiffs you - ok - if they return an ASIS item-ok -return a differnt item- ok
if you leave POSITIVE feedback that says the guy did not pay- ebay will remove it- I once got negtative feedback because paypal had a problem proccessing a transaction - the person did not complain about the item or time for shipment etc- but ebay would do nothing.

I have seem many people put in long disclaimers because of their frustration. 

I have curbed mine a little on advice from friends but still there.


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## pedal4416 (Nov 22, 2013)

Is it wrong that I want to copy and paste that to my eBay listings? The third world Canada comment almost made me pee myself laughing!!


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## catfish (Nov 22, 2013)

pedal4416 said:


> Is it wrong that I want to copy and paste that to my eBay listings? The third world Canada comment almost made me pee myself laughing!!




Not at all. I've save a bunch of these in case I ever wanted to use them in a listing.


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## catfish (Nov 22, 2013)

Here is one I pulled off ebay.

---------- ATTENTION: IF YOU HAVE ANY NEGATIVE FEEDBACK OR NO FEEDBACK HISTORY AT ALL, YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO PLACE A BID ON THIS ITEM. YOU MUST FIRST EMAIL PLANETTREASURES FOR SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS. FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO FAIL TO FOLLOW INSTRUCTIONS, YOUR BID WILL BE CANCELED IMMEDIATELY! NO EXCEPTIONS! PLEASE DO NOT BID ON THIS ITEM UNLESS YOU ARE ABLE TO COMPLY WITHIN THE TERMS & CONDITIONS OF THIS LEGAL BINDING CONTRACT. YOU MUST BE AT LEAST 18 YEARS OF AGE. I WILL PURSUE LEGAL ACTION & LEAVE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK FOR THOSE WHO WIN AUCTION & FAIL TO FOLLOW THROUGH WITH THEIR AGREEMENT! USED BICYCLE(S) / PART(S) / ACCESSORIES ARE BEING SOLD AS IS, CONDITION AT THE TIME OF SALE OR CLOSING, INCLUDING ANY HIDDEN DEFECTS OF ANY NATURE, KNOWN OR UNKNOWN, WHERE IS, & WITHOUT ANY GUARANTEE &/OR WARRANTY IMPLIED OR EXPRESS. PICTURE (S) BEING DISPLAYED MAY OR MAY NOT SHOW BICYCLE(S) / PART(S) / ACCESSORIES TRUE CURRENT CONDITION, THERE FOR IT IS STRONGLY RECOMMENDED TO ASK ALL QUESTIONS NEEDING & ANSWER TO BEFORE PLACING A BID. IN ADDITION, ALL BUYERS, INCLUDING SECOND OR THIRD PARTIES ECT… ASSOCIATED OR CONTRACTED BY WINNING BUYER(S) THROUGH THIS SALE IN ANYWAY, SHAPE OR FORM MUST AGREE TO RELEASE & HOLD HARMLESS THE SELLER(S) FROM ANY & ALL LEGAL DEMANDS, RIGHTS & CAUSES OF ACTION, ARISING FROM SALE. THIS TRANSACTION IS GOVERNED BY CALIFORNIA LAW. ANY DISPUTES RELATED TO THIS TRANSACTION WILL BE HANDLED BY BINDING ARBITRATION UNDER THE RULES OF THE AMERICAN ARBITRATION ASSOCIATION IN LOS ANGELES COUNTY CALIFORNIA . BUYER IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THE SHIPPING COST. PAYMENT IS DUE WITHIN 48HRS AFTER THE END OF AUCTION, IN EITHER CASH, OR CASHIERS CHECK, (UPS EXPRESS--FEDEX EXPRESS--DHL EXPRESS) OR BANK WIRE TRANSFER ONLY! PAYMENT WILL NOT BE PAYABLE THROUGH PAYPAL UNLESS YOU WISH TO PAY THE TRANSACTION FEE ON SELLERS RECEIVING END! ITEM WILL NOT BE RELEASED UNTIL FULL PAYMENT HAS BEEN RECEIVED & CASHED. THERE WILL BE A $5.00 A DAY STORAGE FEE APPLIED, AFTER THE 7 BUSINESS DAYS OF CLOSE OF AUCTION, UNLESS SPECIAL ARRANGEMENTS HAVE BEEN MADE IN ADVANCE. THERE WILL BE A $15.00 HANDLING FEE  IN ADDITION TO FULL SALE PRICE. (THIS FEE DOES NOT INCLUDE ANY SHIPPING COST.) FEEDBACK WILL BE LEFT AFTER FEEDBACK HAS BEEN RECEIVED FROM BUYER. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO ASK ALL NECESSARY QUESTIONS PRIOR TO BIDDING. ANSWERS WILL BE PROVIDED IMMEDIATELY. I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS DURING THE LAST 16 HOURS OF AUCTION. ALL BIDS ARE FINAL! NO REFUNDS! PART(S) / ACCESSORIES ARE LISTED FOR SALE LOCALLY & SUBJECT TO PRIOR SALE . I RESERVE THE RIGHT TO CANCEL BIDS & TERMINATE AUCTION AT ANY TIME WITHOUT PRIOR NOTICE.  BY PLACING A BID ON THIS ITEM, YOU UNDERSTAND & AGREE TO CONTRACT TERMS & CONDITIONS OF SALE.    GOOD LUCK BIDDING!!!


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## catfish (Nov 22, 2013)

Here is another.

NOTE: There appears to be a glitch in Ebays Listing format as I was FORCED to accept ELECTRONIC payments. No one should be forced to PAY MORE MONEY TO EBAY or any other ELECTRONIC PAYMENT service in addition to the FEES ebay already charges.. It's like Paying FEES to pay FEES. I will at last resort accept Paypal but prefer any other form of legitimate payment, Ebay wants to limit our choices and freedoms as sellers and disguise their pay pal collusion as "looking out for our best interests" when in reality, yep, their $best$ interests. I just love making LESS money from my sales, don't you? Suck us dry ebay.
also Please disregard Ebays quoted shipping charges as they are often Off the Mark. You will be charged only actual postage or Fedex for all items...no handling charges or hidden packing fees. Cheapest way or your preffered way! Ebay forces you to quote a shipping amount which is totally idiotic as shipping always varies based on destination. Will also ship overseas as long as you pay only actual shipping costs to your international destination. ALL Bidders must contact me before making any kind of payment at the auctions end.


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## bike (Nov 22, 2013)

*heres a lulu*

http://members.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewUserPage&userid=bike
.......................


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## willswares1220 (Nov 22, 2013)

Man, it all sounds too complicated to me.......
I think I'll quit buying on ebay & leave my GOLD bars in the basement for now.
Sarcasm at it's finest! A good way of selling items. Potential $$$$$$$$$$ to -----------------------------------------------------------knock - knock - anyone there? 
Maybe there's a method behind their madness to boost sales. Something to think about...............


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## Boris (Nov 22, 2013)

vincev said:


> My kind of person!




I've got to agree with Vince on this one. I've got no problem with the disclaimer or seller. It's funny, and it cuts right to the chase. No BS!


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## vincev (Nov 22, 2013)

Dave Marko said:


> I've got to agree with Vince on this one. I've got no problem with the disclaimer or seller. It's funny, and it cuts right to the chase. No BS!




DAVE AGREES WITH ME!!!  I change my mind.That seller is being tacky.


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## stoney (Nov 22, 2013)

bike said:


> it gets old being an ebay seller.
> 
> You cannot leave negative feed back for any reason- if the guy stiffs you - ok - if they return an ASIS item-ok -return a differnt item- ok
> if you leave POSITIVE feedback that says the guy did not pay- ebay will remove it- I once got negtative feedback because paypal had a problem proccessing a transaction - the person did not complain about the item or time for shipment etc- but ebay would do nothing.
> ...





He is somewhat abrasive. Paul is right, as a seller ebay doesn't really seem to care much about you. They do really take care of the buyer. The thing that they really don't seem to grasp is ---- to have buyers, you need sellers.   But again, refer to my signature.


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## bikesnbuses (Nov 22, 2013)

Sounds like some of these guys need this booklet I got in the mail yesterday!!!...But seriously..I thought it was a joke at first when I pulled it out of the mailbox,but it is a "legitamite" seminar..


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## stoney (Nov 22, 2013)

catfish said:


> Here is another.
> 
> NOTE: There appears to be a glitch in Ebays Listing format as I was FORCED to accept ELECTRONIC payments. No one should be forced to PAY MORE MONEY TO EBAY or any other ELECTRONIC PAYMENT service in addition to the FEES ebay already charges.. It's like Paying FEES to pay FEES. I will at last resort accept Paypal but prefer any other form of legitimate payment, Ebay wants to limit our choices and freedoms as sellers and disguise their pay pal collusion as "looking out for our best interests" when in reality, yep, their $best$ interests. I just love making LESS money from my sales, don't you? Suck us dry ebay.
> also Please disregard Ebays quoted shipping charges as they are often Off the Mark. You will be charged only actual postage or Fedex for all items...no handling charges or hidden packing fees. Cheapest way or your preffered way! Ebay forces you to quote a shipping amount which is totally idiotic as shipping always varies based on destination. Will also ship overseas as long as you pay only actual shipping costs to your international destination. ALL Bidders must contact me before making any kind of payment at the auctions end.




Ebay forces you to list shipping charges because they charge you a % on the shipping charges also.


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## squeedals (Nov 23, 2013)

i wrote him and asked to see a picture of his "anus" and he never replied? I have no idea why not? Maybe I'll ask him if he'll ship something to Timbuktu. Yeah........that should make his day!


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## Freqman1 (Nov 23, 2013)

bikesnbuses said:


> Sounds like some of these guys need this booklet I got in the mail yesterday!!!...But seriously..I thought it was a joke at first when I pulled it out of the mailbox,but it is a "legitamite" seminar..




Samuel Colt invented something that took care of  difficult people in about 1000-1200 feet per second--not a day seminar! Seriously though I agree with some of the others on here concerning Ebay's  rules and stacking the deck against sellers. I have been frustrated more than a few times when they didn't want to act on my behalf and told me "well you are right but why don't you go ahead and cancel the transaction (instead of leaving non-pay strike)" WTF! The PayPal thing is another thing. As a seller you should be able to accept the form of payment you want. Ok that's my Ebay rant for the week... V/r Shawn


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## bikewhorder (Nov 23, 2013)

squeedals said:


> i wrote him and asked to see a picture of his "anus" and he never replied? I have no idea why not? Maybe I'll ask him if he'll ship something to Timbuktu. Yeah........that should make his day!




Is it not enough for you that I posted pictures of myself naked on here for everyone to see just for you? Would you be satisfied if I posted a picture of my anus on here?


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## OldRider (Nov 23, 2013)

Quick! Somebody tell him he'll catch more flies with honey then vinegar!  Wait, never mind my comment, I'm just an idiot from the third world country of Canada.


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## rustyspoke66 (Nov 23, 2013)

I would seriously use that one if all my customers worked for USPS. I hate those bastards.


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## Boris (Nov 23, 2013)

Freqman1 said:


> Samuel Colt invented something that took care of difficult people in about 1000-1200 feet per second--not a day seminar!




Before him, it was William Catapult.


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## babyjesus (Nov 24, 2013)

*a$$*

to the point perhaps, funny to some but sounds like he is probably an a$$hole to all.


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## Nickinator (Nov 24, 2013)

babyjesus said:


> to the point perhaps, funny to some but sounds like he is probably an a$$hole to all.



 Sounds like a MAJOR a$$hole alright...and anyway you can't demand someone pay you within 48 hours, as per ebay rules a buyer has 5 days. Can't set your own rules. And you cannot file a nonbidder claim until 7 days. Dude is seriously ignorant about making money on ebay....to quote Shawn..."probably has a short Christmas card list" 

Darcie


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## bike (Nov 24, 2013)

*Nick*

you were not on ebay in the days when YOU SET ALL YOUR OWN RULES It was WAY better and the fees were way less. System crashes were the only drawback.  

I cannot offer a walmart return policy on old junk. makes no sense- ebay was built on the backs of collectors- they they said WE ARE NOT A FLEA MARKET, WE ARE THE INTERNET PORTAL TO RETAIL.

Rules that were good for retail are not good for old stuff- I dont know why they dont make ebaycollectibles.com like ebay motors and go back to the 1998 system.


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## babyjesus (Nov 24, 2013)

rustyspoke66 said:


> I would seriously use that one if all my customers worked for USPS. I hate those bastards.




..sorry for the tangent - but Rustyspokes I like your new profile pic with the beard. The beard is blocking out a bit of the 'it's a beauty' so it could - with very little imagination or even accidentally say 'it's a beardy'- lol - ok sorry I'm done with the tangent now.

Darcie I didn't realize ebay had a 5 day rule for payment.  If I had known that my life would have been easier at times.

...lol, yeah, 'short xmas list'


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## Nickinator (Nov 24, 2013)

bike said:


> you were not on ebay in the days when YOU SET ALL YOUR OWN RULES It was WAY better and the fees were way less. System crashes were the only drawback.




Nick wasn't on ebay back then but I was, and I've seen a lot of changes over the last couple decades, and yeah it's a different game- but either you adapt and play the game or find another international market to sell your stuff. Waste of time and energy to continue to bitch about it when you have absolutely no control over it, other than to boycott it. Like cutting off your nose to spite your face 
Darcie


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## bike (Nov 24, 2013)

*Most people*

run with the herd


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## Nickinator (Nov 24, 2013)

Yeah, so true. Don't get me wrong, I don't like ebay's policies either, and I have to occasionally rant about it too (especially when they change another rule that restricts sellers), but it's still the biggest marketplace around...for now.

Darcie


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## Talewinds (Nov 24, 2013)

Dave Marko said:


> I've got to agree with Vince on this one. I've got no problem with the disclaimer or seller. It's funny, and it cuts right to the chase. No BS!




Ditto! Clear, to the point, and FUNNY!


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## Boris (Nov 24, 2013)

Talewinds said:


> Ditto! Clear, to the point, and FUNNY!




My intuition tells me that this seller is not nearly as hard-boiled as they appear to be. This comes off to me, as someone who has a sarcastic sense of humor, who's frankly had enough of some of the ebay clientele. I'll admit that it's probably not the best approach, as it turns off potential buyers who don't share that brand of humor, but possibly his/her "I gotta be me" approach, is his/her way of weeding out the wheat from the chaff. As member bike has stated, "The customer is NOT always right". For that matter, neither is my intuition.

P.S. My intuition also tells me that this is a guy, but I'm just being PC.


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## vincev (Nov 24, 2013)

Dave Marko said:


> My intuition tells me that this seller is not nearly as hard-boiled as they appear to be. This comes off to me, as someone who has a sarcastic sense of humor, who's frankly had enough of some of the ebay clientele. I'll admit that it's probably not the best approach, as it turns off potential buyers who don't share that brand of humor, but possibly his/her "I gotta be me" approach, is his/her way of weeding out the wheat from the chaff. As member bike has stated, "The customer is NOT always right". For that matter, neither is my intuition.




He is not a bad sounding guy.I asked a question and he didnt bite my head off.


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## Boris (Nov 24, 2013)

vincev said:


> He is not a bad sounding guy.I asked a question and he didnt bite my head off.




I KNEW that was you!


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## vincev (Nov 24, 2013)

Dave Marko said:


> I KNEW that was you!




Congrats Dave! Your not nearly as stupid as you look.Nobody could be that stupid.lol Yes that was me.


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## Nickinator (Nov 24, 2013)

Dave Marko said:


> My intuition tells me that this seller is not nearly as hard-boiled as they appear to be. This comes off to me, as someone who has a sarcastic sense of humor, who's frankly had enough of some of the ebay clientele. I'll admit that it's probably not the best approach, as it turns off potential buyers who don't share that brand of humor, but possibly his/her "I gotta be me" approach, is his/her way of weeding out the wheat from the chaff. As member bike has stated, "The customer is NOT always right". For that matter, neither is my intuition.




He may indeed be just a sarcastic, dry humor kinda guy, but it's a poor choice to display this "humor" in a marketplace such as ebay, where prospective buyers are assessing your trustworthiness, and whether or not they want to send money to you...that's likely costing him a fair number of buyers.  
I personally have no desire to enter into a transaction with someone I do not know that is unprofessional from the get-go, God forbid there is a problem with the item...

Not to say I never have deals with unprofessional people, but at least I know them. 

Darcie


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## Boris (Nov 24, 2013)

Nickinator said:


> He may indeed be just a sarcastic, dry humor kinda guy, but it's a poor choice to display this "humor" in a marketplace such as ebay, where prospective buyers are assessing your trustworthiness, and whether or not they want to send money to you...that's likely costing him a fair number of buyers.
> I personally have no desire to enter into a transaction with someone I do not know that is unprofessional from the get-go, God forbid there is a problem with the item...
> 
> Not to say I never have deals with unprofessional people, but at least I know them.
> ...




I do agree, it's not professional and could be detrimental to his sales. But, that's the course this seller has chosen to take, and one should deal with this seller at their own risk if his words turn you off. To me it is a funny angle and a break from the monotony. Would I be hesitant to buy from this seller based on his disclaimer alone? Probably. Would I get along with this person? Also probably.


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## vincev (Nov 25, 2013)

100%/211 items.He may sound rude but he delivers.


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## squeedals (Nov 25, 2013)

bikewhorder said:


> Is it not enough for you that I posted pictures of myself naked on here for everyone to see just for you? Would you be satisfied if I posted a picture of my anus on here?




LOL! Only if you think it will advance your standing on the CABE and if you have the balls to do it........BUTT (excuse the pun) it has to be YOUR orifice and not a cut and paste from some porn site. :o


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## Nickinator (Nov 25, 2013)

100% feedback means nothing to me...we were ripped off on Nick's T60 by a seller with over 2,000 feedback and 100%...he just knew the loop holes....

Darcie


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## stoney (Nov 25, 2013)

Sometimes there may be 100% feedback. Even though some of the transactions were negative feedback, you can't leave negative feedback. I have seen where some people, to get their point across actually post positive feedback but if you read the feedback it is negative. Not a good way to do it but it's the only way to leave negative. False impression. The suck part of it is EBAY allows it!!!!!!!!!!  Doesn't speak well for them. I wonder how many negative feedbacks Ebay would get?


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## stoney (Nov 25, 2013)

Nickinator said:


> 100% feedback means nothing to me...we were ripped off on Nick's T60 by a seller with over 2,000 feedback and 100%...he just knew the loop holes....
> 
> Darcie




I agree, means nothing to me either.


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## bike (Nov 25, 2013)

*Ebay WILL remove*



stoney said:


> Sometimes there may be 100% feedback. Even though some of the transactions were negative feedback, you can't leave negative feedback. I have seen where some people, to get their point across actually post positive feedback but if you read the feedback it is negative. Not a good way to do it but it's the only way to leave negative. False impression. The suck part of it is EBAY allows it!!!!!!!!!!  Doesn't speak well for them. I wonder how many negative feedbacks Ebay would get?




positive feedback that is actually neg ie NON PAYMENT this has happend to me!


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## Djshakes (Nov 27, 2013)

Ebay is a joke now for the many reasons listed in this thread.  Forcing shipping costs is one. I listed an item and specified a shipping amount of $40 but stated actual shipping would be assessed at close of auction.  It ended up being $50.  Seller bitched. I had to take a loss in fear of retaliation.  Put a high amount, pay higher fees, put low amount, eat the difference.  The feedback is also a joke as well.  Can't leave negatives....so it means nothing.  Forcing you to pay via paypal is also a joke.  

They are a company so they can do what they want, I respect that.  However, there is no competition.  Once there is competition I believe they will reconsider their rules.

Ebay often reminds me of the USA and politics.  In the infant stages with minimal rules it was great.  You had many freedoms of payment, choices, equality as far as feedback, etc.  Then the governing body of ebay grew and implemented more rules and regulations all under the fake premise of "protecting the ebay citizens" and engineering outcomes.  There was never any real threat to ebay buyers. If there was, buyers would have never shopped there after getting burned.  The real intent was to tax the seller more and more.  Our choices became limited for buyers and sellers, our options and freedoms less. Many sellers just up and left.


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## Freqman1 (Nov 27, 2013)

Djshakes said:


> Forcing shipping costs is one.




I've never used their shipping calculator. I always choose flat rate to all buyers and put my own amount in here. On a ballooner I usually just call it $100. Lately I've just been factoring the cost of shipping into the price. With Bikeflights.com I can get some pretty good rates and the shipping point becomes moot. I agree though Ebay has drove away many small time sellers because they try to treat everyone like a business and I simply can't write off the losses on a hobby at teh end of the year like a business can. V/r Shawn


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## stoney (Nov 27, 2013)

Ebay has driven away many sellers. As I said earlier, they don't get it--- that they need sellers to have buyers as well as the other way around. I hope some competition does come around for them.


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## DJ Bill (Nov 27, 2013)

I think they are trying to become the auction version of Amazon. They don't seem to care about the used stuff or the small sales unless you are selling millions of an item.  Now when I search Military bicycle all I find is cheap bike clothing and other junk. The G 519 stuff has all left the building. They also have advanced their political agenda and disallowed many of the items that used to do well there, specifically military things, beacon lighting, and locksmith stuff. 

I used to sell about 5 years ago and the new rules have basically scared me away. I wish someone would open up some competition to them but it seems every startup auction site fades away quickly.


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## babyjesus (Nov 27, 2013)

*epay*

It sucks more as a buyer too - alot more, especially internationally.  The amount of times a seller has to go and make their auction international just to accept my payment is stupid.  If somebody wants to sell to timbuktu they should be able to and just put in the shipping price when calculated after auction end.  But no its all automated and stoooopid now.


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## stoney (Nov 27, 2013)

I believe they boost the shipping rates. When they poke in the shipping rate it is much higher than it should cost. They do this hoping you won't notice the boosted price and when the item sells they make more money. They charge you a percentage on the shipping also. I don't sell anywhere near the amount of things on Ebay like I used too. They threatened to take away my "Power Seller" status. OOOOOh I'm scared. Makes want to cry.


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## olderthandirt (Nov 27, 2013)

*harley ironhead humor*

he,s just trying to be friendly .


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