as far as grease on the tapers, it should be the thinnest film you can leave behind, and it's just to prevent friction from binding/misaligning the taper during installation.
The actual goal of tightening bolts is to stretch them to 90% of their elastic limit.
Torque is an approximation, and assumes a friction factor of dry threads. If the threads are lubricated, that friction factor changes, and tightening to recommended torque on your torque wrench reading can permanently stretch your bolts beyond their elastic limit and lead to bolt fatigue down the road. Too tight is the same as too loose.
So that is my engineering approach to the problem.